What’s a conveniently small device central to your daily life—but terrible for your mood, focus, executive functioning, and mental health?
If you guessed a smartphone, congratulations. Jokes aside, there’s nothing funny about the impact these devices are having on our kids.
Clearly, many of us—adults and children alike—are getting hijacked by these tiny machines. And if you’re reading this on your phone, let’s be honest: there’s a good chance that abundant screen time leads to you procrastinating.
Adults might joke that they’re addicted to their phones, which usually draws a knowing, empathetic sigh. But a 12-year-old? They don’t see it that way. To them, addiction is a “boomer problem.” But social scientists disagree—and the difference is real. Adult brains are already developed; children’s brains are still under construction.
Each day, their necks are bent down in a blissful doomscroll, and the rewiring becomes more “permanent”—hardwiring anxiety, depression, and emotional dysregulation.
But try explaining that to a 12-year-old.
Their developing brains aren’t equipped to see how these pocket-sized parasites are short-circuiting their ability to think clearly, draining their focus in school or building genuine relationships. They’re too bedazzled by source code-engineered to keep them hooked.
Remember those old propagandized anti-drug PSAs—“this is your brain on drugs”—with the egg frying in a pan? These days, it’s not eggs frying; it’s synapses melting. And what’s cooking them? Pocket-sized devices engineered for addiction.
Jonathan Haidt, a leading authority on the smartphone issue, champions a “delay and deny” approach: No smartphones before high school; No social media until at least age 16.
I buy into that—to a point. But it’s tough to tell your kid to sit it out when all 12-year-old’s friends are hanging out on Xbox Live or texting each other nonstop. It feels like social exile.
There’s no perfect solution. But I believe in two things that matter more than any app, feature, or algorithm: consistency and modeling.
Consistency means setting limits—and sticking to them. No wavering. Nothing undermines a child’s social-emotional development faster than winning an argument over screen time. It doesn’t just set them up for failure; it erodes trust in us as adults. Kids might seem like they want unlimited freedom, but their instincts tell a different story.
Kids feel safer when adults set boundaries and hold the line. They may scream for unlimited freedom, but their instincts crave the opposite. “One day, you’ll appreciate it,” met by a door slamming in our face is better than the alternative: the door of opportunity slamming in their face.
Yes, kids will always try the classic “ask Dad after Mom says no” move. That’s part of growing up, but folding on boundaries, especially regarding tech? That’s an unforced error.
Modeling means adults must step up too and put the phone down. One of the best times to do that? Dinner. Even if the conversation only centers around how your child’s day went.
At least we’re modeling what matters. We’re showing that attention, presence, and connection still hold value. We are also showing that our children’s well-being is the priority. The technological toothpaste may be out of the tube—but we don’t have to smear it on our shirts or, in this case, carry it around with us all day, like an iPhone.
Keep up the good fight.
